Posted by Sheri Samotin on Tue, Jan 19, 2010
John and Jane Smith (names and some of the personal details changed to preserve the privacy of those involved) are a lovely couple in their mid-seventies who became southwest Florida snowbirds in 1996 and permanent residents in 2002. When I met them, the Smiths were both healthy and engaged in an active lifestyle. Their two adult daughters live in Connecticut and Ohio and lead busy lives with careers and families of their own. The elder Smiths have always been highly independent and determined never to become a burden on their children. They've consulted with an estate planning attorney and have a financial advisor they trust. Mr. Smith has always handled the bulk of the family finances and it was the Smith's financial advisor who first suggested that they consult with me regarding putting all of their day-to-day affairs in order so that if something happened to John, Jane would be able to take over. As it turns out, that advice was incredibly important.
When I first met with the Smiths, they weren't sure exactly why their financial advisor had suggested the meeting since John was confident that all of their financial details were under control. During that first meeting, we discovered that while John knew all of those details, that Jane had only a vague idea of what investments they had and had no idea what the password was for their online banking service which John used to pay most of their bills. She also didn't know where the insurance policy papers were kept or much about what they covered. Finally, we discovered that Jane did not have a credit card in her own name. During that first meeting, we discussed the various things that need to be done so that Jane could take care of the family finances in the event of John's incapacity. By the end of that first meeting, the Smiths agreed that their financial advisor was right and they needed some help getting their affairs organized.
I use a very detailed approach to helping clients to organize their affairs, the goal of which is to assemble all of their critical information in one place for easy access when it's needed. As we worked through the various topics, we made a list of all of the things that had to be done, the documents that had to be found, the bills that had to be paid, and the decisions that had to be made. Over the next several weeks, I worked with John and Jane to make sure that everyone stayed on track. The end product was a computer flash drive that contains all of the critical information, including scanned copies of important documents. I also prepared one hard copy version of the information in a binder since Jane is more comfortable with holding things in her hands than with accessing them on the computer. In addition to the things you'd expect to find, like account numbers, passwords and copies of military records, this repository also lists important vendors like the air conditioning company with which the Smiths have a service contract and the name and phone number of the dog walker for their beloved schnauzer Sam. The idea is that if something happens, the Smith's daughters (or another trusted person) can quickly take over.
In the Smith's case, we needed for Jane to apply for a credit card in her own name, so that she would have access to credit if something happens to John. We also discussed the Smith's end-of-life wishes and they decided to meet with a funeral director to make pre-need arrangements so that no one had to guess what they would have wanted. Finally, we prepared documents that permitted the Smith's daughters to have access to information about their various accounts in the event that was necessary.
As the final step in our process, I facilitated a conference call between the Smiths and their daughters. The stated objective of the conference call was to bring the girls up to speed in the event that both of their parents became incapacitated at the same time. While John and Jane did not want to turn the flash drive containing all of the information over to their daughters immediately, they did want them to know that this resource existed and where to find it.
As luck would have it, within several months of completing this effort, John suffered a stroke. While he is recovering well, Jane was able to easily step in and take care of the day-to-day matters that had previously been John's domain. The fact that the Smiths had prepared for this in advance meant that both were less stressed than they would have been during an otherwise difficult period.
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Posted by Sheri Samotin on Mon, Jun 08, 2009
Are you a baby boomer? If you answered "yes" then you are probably staring a life transition in the face. Is that face scary or serene? To some degree, that's up to you.
Life transitions, such as getting married, having a child, changing jobs, dealing with health issues, getting divorced, taking care of aging parents, becoming widowed or becoming an empty-nester are part of all of our lives. Of course, the stakes get really high when we are dealing with two or more of these life changers at once. The real key to successfully navigating life's transitions is being ready for them, and then understanding what is happening while it's happening.
So, right now, today, make a commitment to yourself. Commit to preparing your own Transition Plan. And then commit to pulling it out, dusting it off, and making the necessary changes on an annual basis.
Where to begin? Start by making a list of every possible transition you can think of, even if you think it will never be relevant to you. Once you have that long list, it will be time to eliminate those that are not relevant to your life at this time (e.g., if you are not married or in a committed relationship, you're not likely to get divorced or become a widow). For each remaining transition, you will need to ask and answer many questions. Here are a few to get you started:
- What scares me about this possible transition? Why?
- What's the worst thing I can imagine if this happens to me?
- What if the opposite were true?
- How would my 80-year old self advise me?
Make notes, and plan to come back and look at them in a few days or a few weeks. Building a Transition Plan is not something you can accomplish in one sitting. Once you have fully explored your thoughts and feelings about each of the possible life transitions, you are ready to formulate your plan.
Your Transition Plan should contain the following elements:
- Definition of possible transitions
- Assessment of fears about the transition
- Specific steps that you can take to plan ahead or prepare for the possible transition, and an assessment of the positive that will come from doing so
- A timeline for getting these steps accomplished
- A commitment and method for keeping your plan up to date
This process probably seems overwhelming. We all know that when we have a mountain to climb, it's pretty easy to talk ourselves into quitting before we even start. After all, we're great at telling ourselves that the distance is too far, or the altitude is too high, or we're not in shape, or we don't have the right supplies. So don't make a mountain out of a mole hill! Break the task into manageable pieces. Don't try to lose fifty pounds. Try to lose ten pounds five times! When you lose that first ten, it's easy to believe that if you keep going, you can get rid of the next ten. Soon enough, the finish line is in sight. Tackling your Transition Plan works the same way. Start with one transition. Work through it. Make a plan. Then, take some time to reflect before you start on the next one. You'll probably have lots of ideas about how you can make it a more efficient experience.
Often, it is helpful to seek the help of a transition coach to work with you through this effort. Like any other type of coach, a transition coach is there to guide you to your best performance. Your coach will help you to hold yourself accountable, and will be able to ask those powerful questions that help you get unstuck. Your coach may also be able to point out areas where you need more "practice", or where you need to build your "skills" and can help you figure out how to do that. If you are interested in considering coaching, why not sign up for a complimentary coaching session? All you need is a telephone and an open mind!
We're all dying of a terminal disease called LIFE! Preparing a Transition Plan is an important way we can ease the journey for ourselves and for those whom we care for and who care about us.